I could have mohawked her pubes.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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