i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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