There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
