I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
