so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
