Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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