i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
