This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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