you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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