dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
