I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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