I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
