The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
