no, he came in my armpit
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
