I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
