Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
