Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
