Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
