I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
