billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
