some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
