Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
