I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
