don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize