the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
