where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
