And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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