Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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