There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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