Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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