He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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