My brain says no but my pants say off.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
