It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
