Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
