I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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