I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
