You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
