life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
