If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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