So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my shit smells like andre
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
