i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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