I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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