I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
