Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
