She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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