I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
