some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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