NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize