I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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