Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
