found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize