I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
