I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
