Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
