I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
