I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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