His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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