I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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