Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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