apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
