I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
