Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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