nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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