You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
