I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
