I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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