you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
