Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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