Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My cat gives me a boner
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
