I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
