If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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