I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
