I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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