Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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